Is anybody actually nervous in regards to the “debt ceiling?”
Fill in your personal doomsday headline or chyron right here — Deadline nears… Default looms… Wall Avenue Chaos… Taking Hostages….
If individuals had been involved, cable information rankings can be going up, fairly than down.
And are you aware why no person is sweating over state-run media’s newest sky-is-falling walls-are-closing-in narrative? It’s as a result of Dementia Joe Biden is in cost, and as he informed us not too long ago:
“I do know greater than the overwhelming majority of individuals.”
Clearly. That’s why everyone seems to be simply happening about their regular Memorial Day preparations, searching for steaks for the barbecue and boycotting Bud Gentle. As a result of Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Sixpack perceive that Brandon has a agency grasp on not simply the federal finances, however on the whole lot else.
For this month’s Weekend at Brandon’s column, we start with the finances deadlock. As common all dialogue assured verbatim. Right here he’s, bragging about his mastery of the debt, er deficit, er no matter.
“In contrast to the final man my first two years we reduce the deficit one-point-seven billion {dollars} trillion trillion trillion {dollars} not billion trillion {dollars}.”
Are you able to increase in your accomplishments, Brandon? Take your time. We’ve obtained all day right here.
“And there’s quite a lot of others. For instance, the thought we’re uh when it comes to uh taxes that they refuse to for instance we uh I used to be capable of steadiness the finances and go the whole lot from the global-warming invoice anyway I used to be capable of reduce by one-point-seven billion {dollars} within the first two years the deficit we er had been had been accumulating and uh as a result of I used to be capable of say that the 55 firms in America that made 40 4 hundred billion {dollars} or 40 billion {dollars} 400 billion {dollars} that uh they us they pay zero in tax zero….”
You suppose it’s straightforward, transcribing these musings? Even the official White Home stenographer has issues. It is a transcript from Could 9 on the White Home web site:
“I – we reduce the deficit by $160 billion – billion – B-I-L-O-I-O-N – {dollars} on the Medicare deal. We reduce the deficit by elevating the tax on individuals making – 55 firms tht made $40 billion to fifteen %. And the listing goes on. So –“
Yesterday I listened to that precise sound reduce. To me, it gave the impression of Biden spelled “billion” accurately. He simply slurred the second l. It might go both method, so I’m going with Brandon’s personal official transcript – B-I-L-O-I-O-N.
After his go to to Japan, Biden talked about his assembly with the chief of South Korea, “President Loon.” His title is Yoon, not Loon.
At a Muslim occasion, Biden referred to the Koran as “the Quorum.” He referred to as out a basketball participant named “Kareem Alj Alj Abdul Jabbar.”
Then there was his press occasion on airline accountability.
“United Airways additionally took vital steps in direction of guaranteeing free household seating past not in different not price past the price of the unique price of the ticket.”
This month the president had a giant drawback with a small phrase, charges, as in, “As I mentioned baggage freeze charges are dangerous sufficient with out you understanding the prices.”
So Brandon has an answer: “I proceed to name on Congress to go the Junk Free Safety Act.”
The White Home transcript helpfully corrected “Free” to “Payment.” However that wasn’t the one correction that day. Why they ever let him give out net addresses is past me.
“We simply launched a brand new web site flightsright.gov. Flightsright.gov.”
Correction, Brandon. It’s flightrights.gov.
General It’s been one other nice month for the president. He’s defended the rights of “LBT” college students. Different matters of dialogue have included the necessity for EV’s to have “500,000 surging tations,” the finances’s “discretionary spunding” and “out of pocket drub costs.”
In latest remarks, companions turn out to be “partisans,” the governor of Florida is “Rand DeSantis” and the star attraction of Disneyworld is “Bickey Mickey Mouse.” He reads “home equipment” as “suppliances,” companions as “partisans,” meals as “males” and costs as “foos.”
Requested by a reporter in regards to the latest election in Turkey, he replied, “Look I simply hope it goes whoever wins, wins.”
A number of extra of Brandon’s Best Hits, Could version:
“It’s about having the ability to lick your child within the eye and say honey it’s going to be okay and imply it.”
“They’d fairly see youngsters and seniors battle with eat what they want.”
“It could slash funding for Small Enterprise Administration inspector normal who fights fraud and abuse to maintain this president, this program on the extent.”
“Good morning um afternoon bestar earlier than we begin.”
“Birn in Bormingham born in Birmingham.”
“… combating anti-Ama American anti-Asian hate….”
“The group included groundbreaking Asian Individuals like Vera Wang and and and Joan Shingang Shin I’m I’m going to pronounce it incorrect Shagaha Kawawa.”
(Correction per White Home transcript: Shigekawa. Shut sufficient for presidency work, I suppose.)
“In case your flight could be very delayed or cancelled and the airline might have prevented that from you deserve extra than simply getting the value of your ticket you should be totally compensated.”
“I do know these items could not matter to the very rich however they matter most to middle-class households of individuals struggling to get the price of within the first place of getting on that airline and and so look –“
(Not such a giant deal for his son Hunter, although, who this week took a personal jet to Arkansas to plead poverty to a decide contemplating the enchantment of Hunter’s stripper child mama for a rise in baby assist for the granddaughter the president refuses to acknowledge is his personal.)
And at last, Brandon’s most up-to-date transforming of the Declaration of Independence:
“The one nation within the historical past of the world primarily based on an concept that we maintain these truths to be self-evident that each one males and girl are created equal endowed by their creator with sure inalienable rights life liberty et cetera….”
Could we quote you on that, Mr. President?
